Finding Jacob and Zuma

Detective Motlanthe and Detective Sisulu are hard at work tracking down serial killers, Jacob and Zuma.
The two infamous murderers/rapists have been on the run for weeks, after almost being apprehended by Captain Malema as he caught them ‘attempting’ to steal food from his fridge.
Yes, ‘attempting.’ The refrigerator doors had latches that Jacob and Zuma could not seem to handle, although it took them a while to realise that they were even there in the first place.
Unfortunately, Captain Malema, whilst looking for his pistol, picked up his glue gun and proceeded to squirt hot glue at the criminals, instead of bullets. Despite having angry burns and being plastic coated, Jacob and Zuma escaped intact.
Back at the station, rookie, Zille, walks past whilst on her BlackBerry. Overhearing Motlanthe and Sisulu talking, she backtracks.
“What’s up?”
The detectives look up in surprise, then distaste, when they notice Zille’s purple embellished Blackberry. They hate BlackBerries. Their trusty Nokias have seen them through hell and back, then back again – like when Mbeki drove straight into their vehicle. Their City Golf (1.4) may have been crushed, but their Nokias survived.
“We’re looking for Jacob and Zuma. There’s just no leads. These two men are evil masterminds. There is absolutely no information on them on the database. All we have are their names and addresses.”
Zille, glances at their computer screen then looks down at her BlackBerry.
“Gentlemen, let’s test the powers of a BlackBerry.”
Zille logs onto Facebook, searches for Jacob and Zuma (“Surnames, please? Thanks”) and adds them as friends.
Immediately, Zille gets a notification. Reading aloud she says, “Helen Zille is now friends with Jacob Cele and Zuma Mlaba.”
“What!?” Motlanthe and Sisulu stare at her in awe. “You added them on Facebook!?” Motlanthe slaps himself on his forehead.
Zille begins to browse Zuma’s profile.
“Did you know that Zuma likes Punk Rock and the Vengaboys? He’s also in a relationship with 6 women. I didn’t even know Facebook allowed you to have more than one wife.” Raising an eyebrow, she continues. “Zuma likes walks on the beach and ‘She will chase you around for a while; but there’s going to be a day when she’s gonna stop running in circles around you. She’s gonna get over you & at that very moment you’re going to wish you had let her catch you. ♥'”
“That’s great and everything Zille, but how does that help us?” says Motlanthe, rather sarcastically.
“Oh, Motlanthe.” Zille smiles down at him, almost in pity, then reads aloud, “Zuma Mlaba checked in at Galleria. 5 minutes ago.”
“But Galleria is massive!”
Zille clears her throat suggestively, “His status is: ‘Y must it take soooo long for KFC to make 2 streetwise 2s? I’m hungry'”
Motlanthe and Sisulu look at each other, then both bolt toward to door…

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2 responses to “Finding Jacob and Zuma

  1. ‘She will chase you around for a while; but there’s going to be a day when she’s gonna stop running in circles around you. She’s gonna get over you & at that very moment you’re going to wish you had let her catch you. ♥’”

    Loved reading this piece.

    Liked by 1 person

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