Lesbians, Butt Thorns and Fat Bastard

” I don’t plan what I wear. I throw stuff on and decide whether to change or not by trying to label myself as others would when they see me.
Everybody does it. Oh, there goes the punk. He’s followed by the geek. The goth is close behind, and there comes the overly-dressed drama queen. The last guy fell behind because it’s noticeably harder to walk when you have that much swag.
I stood before the mirror, having changed out of ‘the emo kid’ outfit, and tried to stereotype myself. I frowned for a second, and then it came to me.
LESBIAN!
I was good to go.”

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Rolling in the Dough, Roach Genocide, and Peeing Standing

“I’m a student. I get 100 bucks a week, and when I draw it out, the ATM gives it to me in 20s – as if to keep me grounded.
“Man, you broke. Let me help you ration.”
I hate FNB. If they aren’t reminding me of how broke I am, they’re taking away my money. Every time I draw out I can buy one less cup of awful campus coffee.
The only time I ever rolled in the dough was when I tried to make roti off an internet recipe.”

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