Spit Poison, Strike

I don’t really know what makes a man think it’s acceptable to raise his voice or hands at a woman. I don’t know what brings a person to want to hurt another person. I don’t know what makes a person want to intentionally inflict pain and bodily harm.
What inside your mind fuels such rage? Why do you want to break bones? What about physically and poisonously expressing your seething rage by means of intimidating and scarring those littler than you makes you feel better? Is it about power? Does it make you feel stronger, or like more of a man? Do you enjoy the stinging of the slapping, punching and the kicking? Do you like knowing that they’re traumatised and scared of you? Do you want to be feared? Do you mistake fear for respect? Do you know that nobody is happy? Are you? If you aren’t, can nobody else be? Do you need this? Do you need to overpower and singe away their spirits?
I don’t know the whys.
Maybe it’s because you feel as though you can punish. Is it punishment? Why are you so angry? You’ve created scenarios in your mind so long that you actually believe your own thoughts. You believe that everyone is against you. You believe that they’re intending to hurt you every time you think they misstep. You believe that everything, even the littlest things, are an intentional, middle-finger-insolent-fuck-you insult to you, don’t you? How dare they?
Why do you feel sorry for yourself and act ashamed of your behaviour? Why do you try to justify your violence and aggression? Do you think they care if you’re ‘broken’? Do you really believe they made you this way? Did they really create you, a ‘monster’? Do you think apologies rectify your intentional ‘mistakes’? Do you think beating them up, was a mistake? Do you think if you raped someone, through a lapse of judgement, that would be a ‘mistake’ too? Would you apologise? Do you think they’d forgive you? Do you think that example is extreme? You hurt someone, didn’t you? Their bodies still ache and protest, aesthetically reminding them of a trauma just experienced. Do you think they’ll forgive you? If they do, will you think they need you because they stayed? Will you think it means your behaviour is okay? Do you think, if you hurt them again, they’d forgive you again?
Why do you want to hurt them? You say you care all the time. You say you love them. You say you’d do anything for them. Why do you bruise the people you love? Why do you threaten the people you love? Is this what family is to you? Do you think you have the right to hurt them? If it’s punishment, do you think you have the right to punish them? Do you like that they tiptoe around you? Do you know that they walk on eggshells because they’re afraid anything would unleash your venomous rage? Do you know that they stay in their rooms to avoid you? Don’t you realise that they only say hello because they’re afraid to ignore you? When will you realise that they don’t love you anymore?
Do you know that most people who are abused become the abusers? They know you’ve been beaten. They know. Do you think they should pity you because you’ve been through things? Did you forget that they’ve been through things too? Did you fail to notice how they can still be decent people even though they’ve been violated and broken, just like you? Do you think it’s a valid excuse? They don’t. They don’t make excuses for you. They expect better. They think you’re pathetic. They expect to be treated like human beings, with consideration, respect and compassion. You don’t do that anymore, do you?
I know these are pointless questions. You don’t listen anymore. You stopped being reasonable. You’re a brick wall. There is no talking.
And you, Victim.
What is wrong with you? Why do you let yourself be beaten, threatened, and punished? What kind of example are you setting for your partner? You’re telling them it’s okay; hit me again. You’re telling your son it’s okay to beat his future wife; she’ll take it. You’re telling your daughter that it’s okay to be beaten; she should take it. It’s the way of the world, isn’t it? One day, she’ll be called a bitch, worthless, selfish, arrogant, a cunt, and all the other things you’ve been called. That’s okay, isn’t it? You want this life for her, don’t you? You don’t?
Well, why do you want this life for yourself? Do you have no choice? What about the police? What about your family? Do you think they’d tolerate this? Do you think they’d smile at your bruises and broken nose and think, “What a loving family”? Do you think they’d let you go through this alone? Why don’t you ask for help? Is it your pride? Is your pride more important your safety? Is your pride more important than your children’s safety? He threatens them too. Do you want them to get hurt? No? Then why let them? They need you. Don’t you see how helpless they feel? Don’t you think they want to protect you too? Why let yourself get hurt? When did you lose your spirit? When did you forget that there is always a way? You’re a mother, aren’t you? Isn’t there no greater force? I believe so.
Don’t be naive. He won’t change. He’s broken the seal. He feels guilty, not remorseful. He couldn’t control his rage then. He won’t control his rage now. Next time, the door won’t be enough to protect your children from him. Next time, not just bones will be broken, and you know, there will be a next time.

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One response to “Spit Poison, Strike

  1. We’ve almost all been beat when we were kids. One of the times, my dad used a golf stick. I’d never felt a stronger hatred up until that point. I’ve always thought this was okay and that when I have children, I would be more merciful, but no different. This mentality has changed. When I have children, I will never hit them. I will never want them to fear me or believe that it’s acceptable to be punished with violence. I will never instill this mentality. I will never act from rage and I will never speak from anger. If I want my children to grow up to be better people, to respect others and act from compassion, this is an example I will lead by. There are alternatives, and I will find them.
    If I find, years later, my son has beat a woman, I will help the woman and willingly inform her father of my son’s actions. If I find that my daughter has been beaten, I will remove her from any situation, and report the crime (yes, crime) myself. Then, I will give her the talking to of a lifetime for being naive and pitiful enough to stay with the man in the first place, for she is deserving of more than that. Nothing of this sort is tolerable, and I would have taught them better.

    Like

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